We are never prepared to say goodbye to a loved one. As they slowly but surely slip away from the consciousness of their surroundings, we grieve the loss of recognition, acknowledgement and clarity. But that’s a selfish perspective on our part. We are sad because their interactions with us become obtuse and mostly foggy. We expect them to “know” we are there and somehow validate our presence. We want them to be rooted in our reality for us. That “me” focus is human but misplaced and frankly quite self-centered. What’s happening is something we can’t see. It’s behind the scenes work that God is performing in them and for them – preparing our loved ones for that inevitable transition – the one we dread but know is the kindest most merciful path.
Simply stated, we go into mourning with a feeling of impending doom – even though as people of faith we should be rejoicing their passage to perfection and life eternal, free from the craziness, pain and suffering this world brings.
Then we try to convince ourselves we are ok. Some of us show an avalanche of outward emotion. Others privately lament an impending loss. However the process unfolds and it always does, we find solace in family and friends. Some have communities of faith that pray most powerful prayers for healing for us and for the one in transition. Healing from the inside out, on this side of the veil or the other. So healing is the key. But the sadness hangs heavily in the air – permeating the atmosphere with a darkness felt but not seen…
When finally that time comes, will we get past the guilt of finding and wishing that peace for that someone we love so dearly? Or is the guilt that plagues our soul built on the fact that we secretly and desperately need and want that person with us even though their “limbo” existence is tragic at best.
I’m back and forth on what and how I feel, so I put our dear mom in God’s plan and wait for the time we can all be together again in spiritual love and eternal happiness. In the meanwhile, let’s cherish and lavish love on those of us left behind.
A collaborative post by Ludy and Rene van Broekhuizen